For Those Confined to the Bed, Behold: B-Movie Saturday

Good morning, ALTiens. Recovering from a Jell-O Shot hangover? (Damn you, Jell-O shots!) Did the neighbor’s punk-ass kid and his friends roll your tree again? Have you resorted to eating Dots and multi-colored Tootsie Rolls? Stop right there. Too far.

Let ALT CLT ease the pain with this collection of horror B-movies.

Criminally Insane II: Crazy Fat Ethel

As you ponder the regrettable things you may have done last night, remind yourself: It could be worse. I could be getting murdered over a pretzel. Or you could have ketchup for blood, which mostly sounds salty and uncomfortable.

Dead Alive

Party’s over: This is what it looks like when you take a running lawnmower to a crowd of zombies. And then you do it again. In case you were wondering. It mostly looks really slippery.

I Drink Your Blood

…and I eat your skin. Don’t eat those pies! They’re filled with rabies!

Death Nurse

Scalpel. Sponge. Scalpel. Scalpel. Nurse Motley, could you blot my forehead some more? All of this stabbing is making me sweaty. Wait a second, Nurse Motley — Ethel, is that you? Plus: a guy eating ice cream for like, an hour.

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